Seriously! Freezing cold weather in the middle of April. What is God doing to us!? Just kidding. But today was a bitter cold day. There is just something about Spring that I love. It's not the constant sinus infections...it's Easter!! I absolutely love Easter. It is one of my favorite holidays. Every year I am reminded about Jordan and I's first date. I remember him coming to pick me up and I handed him a gift. I remember the amusement we both had when he opened Easter eggs and found that I had picked out every single red Sour Patch Kids in about 10 different packages. It was the beginning of our love story. But more than that it was the beginning of having Christ in our relationship. I love Easter more because of what we celebrate. But do we actually sit and reflect what we celebrate? God gave us His one and only son, Jesus Christ, to pay the price for all our sins. As I sit here and ponder that, I keep wondering the pain God must have felt that day. I don't have a child so I really can't put myself in His shoes...but just imagine. And then I think, if I had a child, could I let that child take its place on the cross, have nails hammered into its feet and hands, and a crown of thorns plunged into its head? Probably not!
These past couple weeks has been a rough but great ones. I know...total oxy moron right? But I am seeing God everywhere. I've been in a dark place for awhile. Satan has been attacking me daily and I just try to drown him out in prayer or scripture or worship. It gets very challenging at times but I can't let him beat me. Last Thursday, my morning started out weird. My sister in law is a surrogate mother and she was due to have a C section on Friday morning. So I wake up Thursday morning and see posts on my Facebook that my sister was preparing for the baby's arrival. I figured she was just getting ready for the next day, but then I see a post that the baby had arrived. What!!?? Was it Friday already? I woke up dazed and excited. For those that don't know my sister in law...she was ready for that baby to come. She was ready to rip that baby out herself if I was being honest but she endured everything the whole time. She was the vision of grace for me that day. She did such a selfless thing and gave someone the most precious gift they could ever receive. I tried to imagine what the parents must have felt like. They finally got the most precious gift God could ever give. When I look at her or talk to her...I see an amazing women of God. She has been there to help me through my entire journey with Christ. She really challenges me in my faith and she helps keep me on track. I only hope and pray I can have the love for Christ and faith in Him she has one day.
My week this week started out crappy but I still saw God everywhere. My friends Tawny and Jeremy had the most precious baby boy, Jace, in January. I loved him from the first second I laid eyes on him. I have told you about Tawny in previous posts but long story short, she and I have both struggled in the baby area. She endured 3 miscarriages before getting pregnant with Jace. I wasn't an easy road for them for sure but in the end she tells me its all worth the heartache and pain of all of this. I just hope she is right. Anyway...Jeremy text me on Sunday afternoon asking if I would come over to keep an eye on Jace while they rested. They had been up all night in the emergency room with him having some breathing issues. I gladly took their offer because, well, if you know me at all you know I never pass up a chance to get my hands on a baby...especially Jace. I head over there and start my duties. After a few hours of Tawny finally getting some sleep...she comes out and decides that they need to go back to the ER. His temp was still up and his breathing was horrible. We get to the ER and we are immediately taken back since he was there earlier that morning. We got back to a room and they decide he most likely has croup and that they would need to be admitted since his breathing was so bad but they were going to have to start an IV to make sure he was staying hydrated and they needed some blood for testing. I COULDN'T TAKE IT! I nearly passed out watching them poke at this little 3 month old. And he was screaming bloody murder. Tawny was a mess and I know I wasn't doing great myself. I nearly passed out watching this all happen. After she calmed Jace down we were able to talk a bit. We were both wondering what mothers that didn't have issues getting pregnant acted like in these situations. We both know we will never know. I mean a mothers love is a mothers love but there is something more precious about a struggle. Not saying people that struggle are better than ones that don't but the beauty of it is seeing God everywhere along the journey. We both know how hard of a journey it is but I think we both know God was there the whole journey for them. We also discussed how we thought getting pregnant would be the hardest struggle we have. But as we sat there looking at her precious little boy, with an IV in his head...we realized struggles are the journey. Not that we all welcome them with open arms but it doesn't get easier after the birth...so find God where you can. I think we both in that moment realized how much of a blessing it was to have each other in each others lives. It's so amazing to see God's reasoning behind placing people in your life. I probably wouldn't be doing as well as I am in this journey if it wasn't for her. Luckily, after a few days in the hospital, Jace came home today! He seems to be getting better which is another moment I saw God at work. It's funny how I find myself praying more in every struggle.
After these past few days, I am taking more time to reflect...not be resentful. I am trying to see God in every moment. I am enjoying my struggle and pray I will one day have a child of my own, but I still want to struggle somewhere just to know that God is there! Even on a bitter cold day in April, God will bring sunshine and heat at the perfect moment!
