It's always awkward silence in waiting rooms. This is my favorite place to pray. I know...weirdo! But I just do it. There are many people in here and they are all going through something, whether it's good or bad. Most of the women in here are either pregnant or going through something similar as we are. Every month I spend hours in waiting rooms while going through infertility. And I just pray! Not only for myself but for those around me. I may not know them but they could be going through something so hard. But I would never know but The Lord does. So next time you are in an awkward place, just pray.
This month's visit was very trying. I was reminded just how out of control I am of this situation. I normally go in on day 14 of my cycle and get my "fun" ultrasound and then get a trigger shot if my eggs seem to be big enough and healthy. I have always been in a good spot so I never had a bad egg so far. But this time was different. The whole visit was just not fun. To start with, I was in a different imaging clinic. When you are going through something as sensitive as we are, you become attached to those you know. I have gone to the same imaging clinic (right across the hall from my dr), had the same ultrasound tech, and same faces at the front desk. They know my face. Well, this one didn't! The ultrasound tech was very nice...but very rough! I was in a lot of pain which was out of the norm for me. So I proceed to my follow up with my dr and my egg seemed good (18mm) but he was worried that I was ovulating later than expected with the trigger shot. So he wanted me to give it a few days and come back on monday for another ultrasound. What!? What if I ovulate? Will it be a missed opportunity? I was just easily reminded that God is in control. Maybe not easily. I actually cried numerous times all day and just sobbed while talking to my mom. Sometimes a girl just needs her mommy! anyway...I could hear him telling me just to chill out. I think He may have said "I got this"! Yea, you are right. I can't control this. After all, He is the only one that can truly make a baby happen...right?
Fast forward to Sunday. A great service by the wonderful Pastor Pete Wilson. We are starting a new series called "When Pigs Fly". Man was that a slap in the face. This sermon was about dreams and phases of dreams and Pastor spoke about David and how he became the King even though he wasn't the "image" of a king. God knew he could be. It went through the phases of dreams:
1.)Becoming Aware its a dream.
2.) Encounter opposition
3.) Endure difficulties
AND
4.) LEARN SURRENDER!
If that wasn't God speaking to me in that moment, then I don't know what it was. So this week I keep reminding myself I am not in control of this situation. And since I am not in control I need to surrender myself to the situation and leave it to God. LET GO, LET GOD!
